Love Letters
This week’s Love Letters podcast guest — a part-time model — doesn’t want to quit her job to find a healthy relationship.
You’re reading Meredith Goldstein’s Love Letters newsletter. Each week, Meredith shares tales of human connection, thoughts on public policy and relationships, and behind-the-scenes stories about the Love Letters column and podcast. Sign up to get the dispatch.
To start, some Love Letters links:
Does your romantic partner join you for weddings and funerals? Would you mind if they skipped big events? This letter writer wants to know.
When should we butt into other people’s potentially unhealthy relationships? This writer is worried about a mother-in-law’s “controlling” and “manipulative” connection with a new man. But is it the letter writer’s business?
This letter writer left her husband because they have different philosophies about money. Is it possible they can stay together – but without expectations for financial entanglement?
Please send your own anonymous questions about love, friendship, and all relationships. It helps other people when you share – especially this time of year!
Dirty talk
A behind-the-scenes anecdote about the new episode of the Love Letters podcast:
My colleagues said to me, as we finished our edits, “Hmm. Maybe we should give people a warning at the top, to let listeners know that this episode involves sexual content.”
Their request for this disclaimer confused me because … while this new episode IS the story of a model whose work can veer into fetish photography, the episode itself is far less sexy than other stories we’ve told … stories that have required no disclaimer at all.
Truly, this new episode is PG-13 at best.
People talk about sex all the time on Love Letters. They discuss polyamorous relationships and nipple piercings. The pilot of the whole show was about why it might help to have sex with someone new to get over a breakup!
I told the team: sure, we could mark the episode as “explicit,” but I wanted to understand: what was so controversial about this story? Why did they feel squeamish about it? (They were literally squirming on our Zoom.)
The more I asked them to consider their discomfort, the more it became clear that it wasn’t the story itself – or the language. The issue was that in the episode, I say something about a sexual thing I once saw online.
Me. I was the problem. The thing that was freaking them out was that I described a sexual scenario, which was very out of character.
In fact, one of them said, basically, “It’s like hearing your mom talk about sex.”
Ouch.
It’s not really a mom thing, but it is a personality issue. I am a bit of a prude, despite my day job.
On the podcast, and in real life, I am much like Tina Fey on “30 Rock,” whose character Liz Lemon once said, of the word “lovers,” “That word bums me out unless it’s between the words ‘meat’ and ‘pizza.’”
People are used to me squirming about these topics. I realize I can be the opposite of Dan Savage when it comes to comfort with sexual language (although we have similar views about sexual freedom, gay rights, and more!).
Maybe this is why I’ve always felt so comfortable around repressed New Englanders.
This serves as my warning that your humble advice columnist and host (me) apologizes in advance for describing someone’s sexy Instagram account for three seconds on this episode.
The visual I describe is actually all about bread. You’ll see what I mean.
I do not think it will shock you, but … you never know.
Enjoy the episode, which is about a wonderful woman named Jenna, who is a part-time model (“Flight of the Conchords” fans, please sing the song) and does not want to have to quit her job to have a healthy relationship. She seeks someone who can adore her as she is — a person who has worn lingerie while feeding ducks during a photo shoot.
She wants someone who isn’t jealous. Someone who understands she might want to do this work forever.
Also, as a treat, check out Jenna’s Instagram so you can see what she looks like and some of her work. (Small warning, there are lots of bikini photos on her account. Maybe don’t open at work.)
Bumper to bumper
I’ll leave you with a picture of a bumper sticker I’ve seen around my neighborhood for a long time. I always take a picture of it whenever I see it.
I appreciate the commitment of this person, for never covering it with another sticker.
I mean, they broke up in 2013.
— Meredith
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