Entertainment
Nikki Glaser returned to host the Golden Globes for a second straight year, poking fun at CBS News, Leonardo DiCaprio, and most of all, herself.
Moments into her 2026 Golden Globes monologue, Nikki Glaser proved she wasn’t afraid to bite the hand that feeds her.
With millions watching the awards broadcast on CBS, the comedian took aim at the revamped CBS News, which has been retooled under the direction of newly installed editor-in-chief Bari Weiss.
“The award for most editing goes to CBS News,” Glaser joked, apparently referring to the network pulling a planned “60 Minutes” segment that has yet to air in the U.S. (but can be seen elsewhere online). “Yes, CBS News, America’s newest place to ‘see B.S. news.’”
For the most part, however, Glaser stuck to mocking the film and television actors in the room, the studios that employ them, and quite frequently herself.
Here are the best jokes and stinging one-liners from Nikki Glaser’s 2026 Golden Globes monologue.
— “I’m Nikki Glaser, and just like ‘Wicked,’ I’m back for a sequel. Just like ‘Frankenstein,’ I’ve been pieced together by an unlicensed European surgeon. And just like the podcasters nominated tonight, I should not be allowed to be this close to Julia Roberts.”
— “I cannot believe the amount of star power we have in this room tonight. There’s so many A-listers — and by A-listers, I do mean people who are on a list that has been heavily redacted. And the Golden Globe for best editing goes to: The Justice Department.”
— “The Rock is here for ‘The Smashing Machine.’ The Rock is nominated tonight, and luckily for him, the TV show ‘The Paper’ is not.”
— “Kevin Hart is here. Yes, The Rock’s plus one-half. […] You and The Rock together are like my favorite comedy duo. You’re, like, a Steve Martin and Martin Short, but for people under 50 IQ.”
— “Leonardo DiCaprio is here for One Man-Bun After Another. How good was Leo in ‘One Battle’? […] You’ve worked with every great director. You’ve won three Golden Globes, an Oscar. And the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all of that before your girlfriend turned 30.”
— “I love you, Sean [Penn.] You’re such an original. You know, everyone in this town is obsessed with looking younger. Meanwhile, Sean Penn is like, ‘What if I slowly morph into a sexy leather handbag?’”
— “‘Hamnet’ is nominated tonight. ‘Hamnet’ is such a masterful portrayal of loss and grief. Fun fact: Hamnet was actually the original name for Spanx. I’m wearing three Hamnets right now.”
— “Michael B. Jordan is nominated tonight for Best Actor. In ‘Sinners,’ Michael played two brothers. Am I allowed to say that? It doesn’t sound right. He played twins. We got two Michael B. Jordans! When I saw that, I was like, Nicki B. Jerkin’.”
— “‘Wicked’ was back with ‘Wicked for Money.’ […] It was so emotional. Two hours into that movie I was just like in tears, like, ‘I can’t believe there’s 45 minutes left.’”
— “Ariana [Grande], I would listen to you sing the phone book. Grab the one Kevin Hart is sitting on.”
— “Timothee Chalamet is the first actor in history to have to put on muscle for a movie about ping-pong. He gained over 60 ounces.”
— “And lastly, Steve Martin and Martin Short, keep proving to us that in this industry, you are never, ever too old to still need money.”
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